Monday, May 20, 2013

NICU Day 6-8

Sorry I have had a chance to update everyone on Lola.  I have been very sick.  Apparently producing too much milk is just as bad as producing none.  I have Mastitis which is pretty much an infection. The last two nights I have broken out in chills that cause my entire body to shake and makes me feel like I am freezing with a very high fever.   The first night the fever was up to 101 degrees.  I am now taking antibiotics and trying to clear everything up.  I hope this clears up soon because it is MISERABLE.

So...on to the importing subject, Lola!  She is doing very well.

Pictures of her from Saturday:

Saturday, the Rinehart's took Tait and let him have a playdate with Cora.  He had a blast.  They got to go to the Touch a Truck event and Tait loved crawling up into the trucks and honking the horns.  Cora was a bit frightened of all of the wails from the trucks.  I told James that last year Tait was not very interested in crawling up into the trucks and honking the horns, so Cora may be completely different next year!  Tait had a blast.  Then, they took Tait to Little Giggles.  It is a new place that opened for kids to go and play.  It was such a neat place.  I will definitely take Tait there when Lola comes to help him get some energy out.  As soon as we got home, we got food in his belly and he fell asleep next to me watching cartoons at 6:30pm!  This is the kid I struggle to get to bed before 9pm every night.  I would say he had a fantastic time.

Sunday morning we woke up and went to church.  I wanted to get down to Fayetteville as early as I could but I knew that we needed to go to church.  We needed to hear something to give us some faith in this struggle that we are having.  In the end, I was glad that I went to church.  It was very emotional and I had a couple of breakdowns during the musical portion (namely Blessed Be His Name), but Nathan was there to hold me and help support me as I watched babies all around us.  There were tiny babies crying in service and it took all I had not to scream.  I wanted to be one of those parents rocking their tiny babies.  I wanted my Lola in my arms.

Afterwards we met the Martinez family out for lunch.  Evan and Emily both wanted to sit by Tait, so he sat in the middle and Emily sat next to me asking me to draw Disney characters.  It was so nice to sit next to a sweet girl and think about the day when Lola will be shoved into the large booth with all of us (though one more and we will need a much larger table...ha ha).  Tait went with the Martinez's to play for the afternoon so we could go see Lola.  They took Tait to the park (where he fell asleep in a swing) and then to Jump Zone where he got to eat a snow cone.   Of course the boy chose a blue one.
Nathan picked him up after taking me home because the sickness hit me hard for a second night in a row.  He also went to get me some antibiotics, I am feeling much better today.  When he got to the Martinez's house, the kids were outside having a picnic!

While Tait was with the Martinez's, We went to the hospital and got to spend sometime with Lola.  Nathan got to hold her since we are switching off each time.  I think she thought his chest hair tickled because she was having the biggest smiles!  Nathan even caught one on camera.  Or, she could have been proud of herself because she was finally off of the nasal cannula and breathing on her own!!  We are so proud of her and we think she is pretty proud of herself too by this picture...

However, she quickly got sad when we told her that she was not ready to come home...    

So how is Lola doing today?  She is doing great.  She still has to learn to start sucking her pacifier so that she is ready to eat a bottle and gain some weight.  However, they told us today she is up to 29ml in a feeding and has to get up to 30something.  They stopped the lipids today.  When she gets to full feedings (they raise it 2ml every 6 hours and if she can handle it she will move up the next 6 hours), they will stop the LPDs and she will get the PIC line out!!!  Then she will only have the nasal feeding tube until she can start sucking a bottle.  

We got a bit downhearted today when one of  the nurses was trying to get us in infant CPR class that is required before we take her home. I was holding Lola and had only been holding her for about 10 minutes.  Lola's nurse said that we needed to hold her through her feeding so I was torn.  I mentioned that the next class wasn't until the next Tuesday and Lola's nurse said "Well, you aren't taking her home before then.  She doesn't even know how to feed!"  My heart broke.  It felt as if she was telling us we would never take our baby girl home!  

When we were leaving for the day to get Tait, we ended up in the elevator with one of the NICU doctors.  He told us that he hadn't met us and I introduced myself.  I tried to clarify by saying "Lola's mother" but he already knew.  He said, "Yes, in room 9!"  Wow, I was impressed that the doctors really remember each patient by name (he said that after I said my last name was McClure!).  He then talked with us for a few moments about how well Lola was doing.  Nathan asked when we would be able to take her home and he quickly said that we would probably be taking her home in another week!!  He thinks she will pick up feeding in the next few days because of how well she has been catching one. He said that girls always do better than boys and that he is confident she will be home with us soon.  Those were the words that Nathan and I really needed to hear!!!!

I didn't get any pictures from today, but I got to hold Lola for over an hour and she was so sweet.  She kept smiling at me and then would fart so loud in her diaper.  I gave her the pacifier and she has improved her sucking ability over how she was doing it yesterday!!  I could see that she still needs to improve, but the Speech Therapist is working with her daily and I have seen an improvement myself!  She is a "strong woman" and will be coming home soon to us.  I can't wait for those 2 am wake ups and for her to spit up on me and have exploding diapers.  I can't wait to have my family all under one roof!!!

We are blessed to have such great friends to help us with Tait on the weekends.  During the week, Tait goes to day care and we spend the nights with him.  I have had people judge me for not spending 24/7 with her, but we have two kids we have to take care of.  I can't spend all day and night with her and not spend any time with Tait.  I need to make sure life is as normal as possible for him.  His life is going to change when she comes home and I know the nurses are wonderful up there taking care of her.  I am not going to say that it is not hard when I have to leave her for the day.  I cry every time leaving her in her isolette.  I feel so guilty.  But when my son sees me across the playground and comes running to me screaming "Mommy!!!!", it makes it worth it.  I can't not give him the love and attention he deserves.  It isn't his fault that Lola can't come home and he is as heartbroken as he can be that he hasn't gotten to meet her.  At night I carry around a little lamb that my friend Hanni got Lola.  The lamb's head is about the same size as Lola's right now.  I snuggle with it as if it is my line to my little girl. I know that God is with my little one when I am not there and he is comforting her and taking care of her when I can't be there.  So to those that judge me for not spending every waking hour with Lola...kiss my butt!  I am a mother to Tait AND Lola and this is what works for me and my family!

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